Saying Goodbye

*Saying Goodbye*

~Rachel Livingston's Grandmother Visits Her In Her Dreams~

(Above: Aleta Tannlund (Grandmama) - Photo Edited By: Rachel Aleta Livingston)

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I was young when my Grandmother died. She was a great lady and I loved her very much. She was always there for me. She taught me so much. We were very close. 

When she was alive, I couldn't imagine life without her.

 I hadn't prepared myself for her death. Even though she was sick and in the hospital before she died,

 I thought she would pull through. But she didn't and it breaks my heart to this day. 

On the night she died I was in my bed asleep. Before I went to sleep I knew she was still alive. I was in complete denial that she would ever die and leave me. My mom went to the hospital to see her that night right before I went to bed. 

When I fell asleep I had this dream. I had a dream that there was this gazebo by a small lake. In the gazebo was my whole family. They were talking and laughing and having a good time. Then I looked over by the lake and saw my Grandma. She looked so sad. 

 I asked her: "What's wrong?" Then she said to me: "I'm going home now." 

After she said that she lifted up the grass as if the grass were a cover. Then she laid down in the dirt and pulled the grass back over her. Confused, I asked everyone at the gazebo 

"Where did Grandmama go?" 

Then my Mother, who had just gotten back from the hospital, woke me up. It was then my Mother told me that my Grandma had passed away. I couldn't believe it. I was devastated. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. 

The next day I started thinking about the dream I had the night before. It made me wonder if my Grandmother visited me in my dreams when she passed. She wanted to say goodbye to me. That thought kind of comforted me but at the same time I felt upset. Not just upset because she died. But upset because she looked so sad in my dream. I don't think that she was ready to leave us behind.

I honestly think that she was telling me goodbye in my dreams. 

I often think about that dream, but I also often think of all the good times we had when she was alive. I would give anything to see her again. 

She was an amazing, kind, strong, beautiful, and loving woman.

 I dedicate this entry to her. I miss you Grandmama, so much, and I love you. I will always love you, Grandmama. 

Rest in peace.

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Submitted By: Rachel Livingston

LET ME WAKE UP IN THE REAL WORLD THIS TIME FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! - UPDATED

**AM I REALLY AWAKE?**
 **OR AM I STILL DREAMING?** 
(UPDATED!)

"WHAT A MESSED UP REALITY..."

"WAKE UP NOW!!!!"

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THIS IS MY OWN, RACHEL LIVINGSTON'S,  PERSONAL ACCOUNTS AND EXPERIENCES WITH: LUCID DREAMS AND MULTIPLE FALSE AWAKENINGS. 

THE FRUSTRATION!

THIS IS WHAT I GO THROUGH ALMOST EVERY SINGLE NIGHT OF MY LIFE. I HAVE POSTED AN ENTRY ON THIS SUBJECT BEFORE BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS EVERY NIGHT. IT ALL STARTED HAPPENING ABOUT ONE OR TWO YEARS AGO. READY?. HERE IT GOES....

I have a love/hate relationship with Dreams. I have really, really VIVID dreams. Most the time they are lucid dreams OR false awakenings, and some times, actually a lot of the time, I will have false awakening and lucid dreams at the same time!  

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---> BY THE WAY IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT A FALSE AWAKENING(S) IS HERE IS AN ENTRY THAT TELLS YOU ALL ABOUT FALSE AWAKENINGS THAT I POSTED HERE IN MY PARANORMAL BLOG. HERE IS THE URL TO THE ENTRY BELOW: 

http://rlivingstonparanormalexperience.blogspot.com/2012/11/false-awakenings.html 

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ANYWAYS, False awakenings are so frustrating!!! I have false awakening dreams and lucid dreams every night, literally.

When I lucid dream it's really easy for me. It's weird because I don't try to lucid dream on purpose, I don't even have to try, I just do...When I first started lucid dreaming a couple of years ago it just started to happen. I wasn't trying to lucid dream or anything.

In the beginning, when the lucid dreams started, here is how the dreams went: This is how it all began. And, again, mind you, I never in my life have tried to purposely lucid dream. I just started doing it and I don't know why.

Anyway, In the beginning I would often dream that I was going to the bathroom and when I tried to shut the bathroom door it wouldn't shut. And the bathroom door shuts just fine in real life. When this happened in my dreams I started to think that it was suspicious that the door wasn't shutting and I eventually realized that I was dreaming whenever the bathroom door wouldn't shut. Then, that's when I started to have some fun and lucid dream.

The whole bathroom door thing went on for a while but eventually I didn't need the bathroom door to realize that I was dreaming. Now days when I am dreaming all it takes is just something abnormal and I quickly realize that I am dreaming and begin to lucid dream.

For example: In one dream that I had about a month ago, was about me and my mother and we were sitting in the living room together . Then, while my mom was sitting next to me, she started smoking marijuana!!! It was then, instantly, I knew I was dreaming because my mom doesn't smoke marijuana and hasn't touched marijuana in her life!!! Then, I just started doing whatever I wanted. 
Because I knew that I was dreaming. 

One more example of this happened just the other night.


I was dreaming that I was in my room getting ready for bed, when I noticed a fish on my pillow. I got up close to it and noticed that the fish's gills were still moving. I thought to myself:

"Hey, what is this fish doing here? How is it still alive? Oh, I must be dreaming. This is a dream."

Then I put the fish in the tank with the other fish and started to stare at the fish. I made them change colors as they swam around. I decided to have a relaxing dream and just watch the fish and and make them change into pretty colors..

I even had some music going and I was also making the fish swim along to the music. Then after that I started drifting back into a non - lucid dream state and started dreaming about some stupid conversation with my husband..hehe..Then, I woke up... into another dream. But that's another story..



 Like I said, It only takes little abnormal things in my dreams to make me quickly realize that I am dreaming. It just happens.

But a lot of the time when I am lucid dreaming I am also having multiple false awakenings. False awakenings are so stressful.
  
Here is an example of a common, annoying, false awakening(s) dream that I have often.

I will be doing something like hanging out with my husband then all of a sudden, I wake up in my bed, but I don't wake up for real, I wake up into another dream.

Then, I will dream again that I get up out of bed and I am hanging out with my husband and then,out of nowhere,he will say something off the wall. Then, that is when I realize that I am dreaming.


I will tell myself to wake up and I do wake up, but in another dream! In the dream that I just woke up in, I will  usually go to my husband and ask him if I am dreaming or awake. He usually says "You're crazy, you're awake, duh!" or something to that extent. But even after he says that I still wonder if I am really awake or not. 

Then, something abnormal will happen and I will realize that I am still in a dream and I will start doing something lucidly, like walk around the house or go outside. 

Then, out of nowhere I wake up, but again I wake up into another dream!!!


And this goes on and on and on, and most the time I just get frustrated that I keep waking up into other dreams and I can't wake up for real. In my false awakenings I usually end up screaming to myself, in my head,  "WAKE UP!!" over and over and I struggle to wake up and even when I tell myself to wake up, I still find myself waking up in yet another freaking dream!

By the time I actually do wake up FOR REAL, I wonder if I am really awake. When I finally do realize I am really awake, I am relieved but at the same time I feel so drained from all the multiple false awakenings during the night, all night.

I don't mind lucid dreaming much, it's kind of fun, but false awakenings..ugh...they drive me crazy.

I swear, every night I either have a lucid dream or multiple false awakenings or a combination of lucid dreams and false awakenings....

I almost feel like I am cursed sometimes.



The only time I have good dreams are when they are only just lucid and not false awakenings. When I just have plain old lucid dreams I have fun. I never wake up feeling refreshed after false awakening nights. Like I said I either lucid dream, have false awakenings or a combination of  lucid and false awakening dreams every single night. This has been going on for about 1 to 2 years now.

I RARELY have dreams that are not lucid or are not false awakenings. But when I  have a normal dream , which is really rare for me, and almost non-existent, it's kind of nice to have a normal, sane, dream.

There you have it. That is what every night is like for me.


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Submitted By: Rachel Livingston 

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Thanks for reading this entry and my blog!

 Remember, you can send in your own weird experiences! Whether it's about ghosts, dreams, aliens, or simply just something strange that has happened to you. I'm not just looking for ghost stories. I want to hear ANYTHING weird, or strange, or just simply something you just can't explain. Please, don't be shy my friends! No judgement here! For information and instructions on how to send in your experience(s) look on the right side bar and at the footer of this blog right below the posts. 

Again, thanks for reading! Have a "Spooktacular" day!

False Awakenings

(Image taken by: Rachel Livingston) 

~FALSE AWAKENINGS~

I always have these dreams where I "wake up" and go about my day, then I "wake up" again, and go about my day....and then I "wake up again" and so on. I am not really waking up. I am still dreaming. I keep dreaming that I am waking up over and over. Sometimes the dreams are also kind of lucid I guess... Some times when I am awake for real, I still wonder if I am dreaming! This Phenomena is called "False Awakenings" Here is some good sources and information about "False Awakening"

(Image taken and edited by: Rachel Livingston) 

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WHAT IS FALSE AWAKENING?

Quote:

"A false awakening is a phenomenon in which the scene of the dream changes into that of the dreamer waking up, usually in his or her own bed. They seem to be most common in a Wake Induced Lucid Dream. This can be very misleading to the dreamer, who thinks he or she has woken up, but is still actually dreaming. False awakenings are very common, especially during lucid dreams. A dreamer can have several False Awakenings in a row."

SOURCE: READ MORE: 
http://lucid.wikia.com/wiki/False_awakening

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Quote:

"“False Awakenings” are dreams in which you think that you have awakened from a dream when you have not. You continue to dream. False awakenings are different from lucid dreaming in that in lucid dreaming you know you are dreaming and stay dreaming. In false awakenings you know you are dreaming but then attempt to awaken out of the dream only to awaken into a dream that is the context, set, or ground, in which the previous dream was figure. You do not know that you are still dreaming, although it is possible to have either another false awakening, move into lucidity, or wake up. False awakenings are also called “inceptions,” “double dreams,” or a “dream within a dream.”"

Quote:

"False awakenings are clearly attempts to wake up, and therefore on a scale of lucid dreaming would be more lucid than normal dreams but less lucid than lucid dreams. As such, they can be considered a type of pre-lucid dream."

Quote:

"Most importantly and most profoundy, false awakenings are a metaphor for the human condition. At some point we outgrow our awakenings. Our first love, a genuine first awakening, is often looked at in retrospect as an embarrassing delusion. Our loyalty to our family, employers, and nation is often experienced as a type of awakening into honor, honesty, and commitment, only to later be understood as a form of sleepwalking enslavement to cultural dreams.  By making such statements I am not negating the importance or value of any of these experiences or commitments; they have their place. I am simply pointing out a simple fact of human experience: if we are fortunate, we wake up out of false awakenings. Nor is it cynical to assume that this process is unlikely to end. In fact, it is a sign of hope, an indication that growth continues, and that enlightenment will never be a final, static awakening, regardless of how transformative it is"

SOURCE: READ MORE:
http://www.dreamyoga.com/integral-deep-listening/idl-essays/lucid-dreaming/on-false-awakenings

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Quote:

"False awakenings are a curious phenomenon for lucid dreamers and non-lucid dreamers alike. They are essentially ultra vivid dreams in which you are convinced you have woken up in physical reality. They are most likely to happen when you are excited about a big day ahead - and if you're a lucid dreamer."

"Self-awareness determines how consciously "in tune" you are with your current reality. Lucid dreamers aim to be highly self-aware while awake and while dreaming, for the greatest frequency of lucid dreams. But the modern world is so distracting, most people are not very self-aware at all."

"And this comes into play in the paradox of a false awakening. The dream of awakening is highly vivid, suggesting a high level of self-awareness (for a dream, at least). Yet many false awakenings go unrecognized; assumed to be waking reality, there is absolutely no awareness that it's all a dream."

"A false awakening may involve getting up, having breakfast, getting dressed, heading out for work... all the things you do every day on autopilot. It can all appear all too real and solid to warrant questioning its authenticity. Indeed, you will only appreciate how real a false awakening is when it happens to you - it reveals the remarkable capacity of the human brain to emulate reality."

SOURCE: READ MORE:
http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/false-awakenings.html

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Quote:

" A false awakening is an experience where someone vividly dreams they have awoken from sleep. After a false awakening, people frequently dream they are performing daily morning rituals, believing they are truly awake. This is a phenomenon wherein a person has a dream within a dream, dreaming that he has awakened, but in fact continues directly into a second dream, avoiding the need to awaken. This is sometimes referred to as a double dream."

"A false awakening may happen following a normal dream or following a lucid dream (one in which the dreamer has been aware of dreaming). Particularly if the false awakening follows a lucid dream, the false awakening could turn into a ‘pre-lucid dream', one in which the dreamer might begin to wonder if they are actually awake and may or may not come to the proper conclusion."

"It has been argued that a false awakening is the ultimate lucid dream due to fact that the level of consciousness inside the dream is indistinguishable from reality. But on the other hand, false awakenings might be considered to be the polar opposite of a lucid dream because there is consciousness without awareness.""

Quote:

"Due to the fact that the mind still dreams after a false awakening, there may be more than one false awakening in a single dream. Subjects may dream they awoke, made coffee eat breakfast, got ready for work, and so on; only to suddenly awake again in bed (still in a dream) begin morning rituals again, awaken again, what I call the ground hog day effect. The French psychologist Yves Delage reported his own experience of this kind, in which he experienced four successive false awakenings. The philosopher Bertrand Russell even claimed to have experienced ‘about a hundred’ false awakenings in succession while recovering from a general anesthetic."

Quote:

"In conclusion false awakening may be confusing and leave their subject disoriented but they are harmless. They may have some psychological meaning or maybe just a good OBE (Out Of Body Experience) but in any case they are interesting and warrant further study."

SOURCE: READ MORE:
http://yourdreaminterpretations.com/2010/10/07/false-awakening-dreams/

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Quote:

"If you’ve ever had the experience that you get up as usual, maybe go to shower, have breakfast or start"

"Are you really sure you have woken up?"

"getting dressed, only to notice something is not quite right – maybe all the towels in the bathroom have changed colours, there are only spare car parts in the pantry or you mysteriously seem to have forgotten how to do up your buttons, then you may have had a “false awakening.”"

"Also known as “a dream within a dream,” false awakenings are characterised by a belief that you have woken up and started your day, only to realise that you are in fact dreaming.  It is not unusual to have multiple false awakenings in one session."

Quote:

"Although they can be confusing and frustrating, false awakenings can provide a useful trigger to understand how we change consciousness throughout sleeping and dreaming.  False awakenings give us the opportunity to question how we know dreams from waking life, how we define reality and what assumptions we make about the nature of consciousness.  Some people use false awakenings to become “lucid” or aware in their dreams.  Other people believe from this state they can astral travel.  Whatever your belief or approach, false awakenings do at the very least show that sometimes at least, our own mind is able to fool us quite convincingly!"

Quote:

"If you do have a false awakening (or many), you can look at it as an opportunity to examine your preconceptions, to engage with your dreams in a new interesting manner, and maybe even find new clues as to how your subconscious engages with your conscious mind.  If you are lucky, you may even stay aware in your dream long enough to enjoy it!"

SOURCE: READ MORE:
 http://thedreamwell.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/false-awakennings-a-dream-within-a-dream/


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WHAT CAUSES FALSE AWAKENINGS?

Quote:

"Recurring false awakenings can have several reasons, but the most prominent of them is excessive worrying about the following day. For example, being stressed about a test/job interview going on the next day can make you dream of it. This way, your mind will simulate everything you do daily when you wake up, in the dream, fooling you into believing it is real. For that matter, a lucid dreamer is advised to test reality whenever he/she wakes up."

SOURCE: READ MORE:
 http://lucid.wikia.com/wiki/False_awakening

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HOW TO PREVENT FALSE AWAKENINGS

Quote:

"False awakenings are dreams that seem like waking life… until you get out of bed and fall down a bottomless chasm. True story. False awakenings can be frustrating, terrifying, and may even begin to impact your daily life, especially when they occur 5 or more times in a row."

"The good news is that false awakenings can be managed with a few cognitive tricks and practices. FAs are basically pre-lucid dreams, as the dreamer is questioning reality. In many cases though, the dreamer actually cannot figure out if she is dreaming or not. Until the world is revealed to be an illusion!"

"It is our ability to think clearly in a false awakening that causes us to assume we’re awake. We’re not awake, we’re aware. So dealing with false awakenings necessitates a crash course in lucid dreaming."

SOURCE: READ MORE: 
http://dreamstudies.org/2010/05/04/how-to-stop-false-awakening-dreams/




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WAKING UP FROM A FALSE AWAKENING

Quote:

"Many people are alarmed when they realize they are dreaming. This fear can bring on the manifestation of whatever we think is the scariest thing in the world.  So it’s good to have some methods for waking up from the dream.  This works for waking up from nightmares too when you realize you’re dreaming and want to get out."

Quote:

"1. Try opening and closing your eyes repeatedly …. eventually your real eyes will crack open and break the dream."

"2.  Stare at one object with focus… it may morph and change, but usually the focus wakes up the part of the brain (the forebrain) that moves us into the waking state".

"3. In the dream, lay down as if going to bed. Just lay on the floor, don’t start the search for “your” bed. Close your eyes, and then try to move your pinky finger (or toe, or whatever extremity you choose!)   Just as in waking up from sleep paralysis, this can help synchronize the dreambody and the physical body, allowing you to wake up."

SOURCE: READ MORE:
 http://dreamstudies.org/2010/05/04/how-to-stop-false-awakening-dreams/

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Quote:

"Eventually, you will start doing a more complex task in your dream that draws on part of the conscious brain that is still asleep. Maybe you look in the bathroom mirror, or attempt to read a signpost on your way to work. This exposes the illusory nature of the dream and BAM! You wake up".

"Or perhaps not. Some people report having multiple false awakenings in succession, doing the same things over and over, never knowing when they have truly woken up. They keep unconsciously rebooting the waking dream scenario... As uncanny as it sounds, if you have just had one false waking experience, you are much more likely to have another. The conditions are already ripe."

SOURCE: READ MORE: 
http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/false-awakenings.html


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MULTIPLE FALSE AWAKENINGS

Quote:

"Some people even report multiple false awakenings, one after the other in quick succession. They get trapped in a seemingly never-ending cycle, tired of getting dressed for work for the seventh time that day. If this happens to you often, I strongly recommend getting into the habit of doing reality checks on waking - and give yourself a fighting chance! Truly recognizing a false awakening can go two ways: either you are shocked into waking up - or you enter a lucid dream."

"Perhaps most importantly, false awakenings may be frustrating but aren't at all harmful. They are also extremely vivid but not nightmarish in content. And if nothing else, they provide a fascinating talking point the next day"

SOURCE: READ MORE:
 http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/types-of-dreams.html



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SYMPTOMS OF FALSE AWAKENING

Quote:

"Realism and unrealism"

"Certain aspects of life may be dramatized, or out of place in false awakenings. Things may seem wrong: details, like the painting on a wall, not being able to talk or difficulty reading (purportedly reading in lucid dreams is often difficult or impossible,[3]) or, oddly, normal types of foods gone missing. In some experiences, the subject's senses are heightened, or changed."

"Repetition"

"Because the mind still dreams after a false awakening, there may be more than one false awakening in a single dream. Subjects may dream they wake up, eat breakfast, brush their teeth, and so on; suddenly awake again in bed (still in a dream), begin morning rituals again, awaken again, and so forth. The philosopher Bertrand Russell claimed to have experienced "about a hundred" false awakenings in succession while coming around from a general anesthetic."

SOURCE: READ MORE:
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_awakening



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WELL THAT'S ALL I GOT FOR NOW. I MIGHT UPDATE THIS LATER!

- Rachel Livingston